Out of Character

Personal Yummy #112

“Two Budweisers and a fuzzy navel, please!” I call out, just about out of breath. I have five tables going at once, and I really need to get these drinks to the table that was last sat. They’ve been looking at me all thirsty and irritated for the past ten minutes.

I watch Curt—he’s at the cash register punching in an order. But he doesn’t acknowledge me. I usually get a nod of the head, or an index finger up in the air, or something. Well, I mustn’t be loud enough again. I love Madonna’s music (and “Borderline” is one of my favorites), but I really wish she would pipe down a bit.

“Two Budweisers and a fuzzy navel, please!” I call out again, but this time with a little more gusto. I wait patiently at the end of the bar, holding my tray tightly, and take a deep breath, determined to make myself relax a bit. Certainly he heard me this time. But—if that’s the case—why is he reaching in the cooler for a couple of Heinekens?

“TWO BUDWEISERS AND A FUZZY NAVEL!!!” I yell once more—almost not knowing what’s gotten into me—this time leaving out the formality, this time being quite pushy, and this time giving it all my effort, so much so that my voice cracks a bit.

(And I thought that the third try was supposed to be a charm.)

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My Friend Mariano: His Loves Are Mine

Personal Yummy #108

We met one perfect almost-spring evening at Rosebud, a dance hall in the Strip District. He asked me to salsa. “You must have been Latin in a previous life!” he said after about two minutes, his genuine face beaming. “Why haven’t I seen you here before?” And he led me into an underarm turn.

“Believe me,” I replied, as I spun around twice, “I would’ve been here if I could’ve, but I just turned twenty-one a few days ago!”

Ah, that evening of fate. It was such an effortless beginning, and it’s been so effortless ever since.

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John Irving and Jonathan

Personal Yummy #103

His black hair is so greasy. Greasy and stringy. So much so, that as he sits contentedly at the bar for two hours and sips from his pint glass full of ice, Pepsi, and a straw—as he does almost every day—it practically clings to his fingers when he brushes it to the side, out of his eyes.

He’s really not unattractive, however. About five-six, not dangerously overweight but a bit chubby and out of shape, he dresses decent enough and wears serious, smart glasses. And although he’s quite reserved, eccentric, and unusual, I’ve never seen him be mean to anyone, and never can imagine him being so.

Plus, today he has a thick, cream-colored hardcover along with him, keeping company with his Pepsi…

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Making a Statement

Personal Yummy #98

In walks a thin, middle-aged, gray-haired man with glasses and the current issue of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. He smiles at us pleasantly, sits down in the back booth, props a menu up in his hands, and starts studying it.

In no time at all, here comes Cathy—suddenly. She hurriedly approaches the man, grabs his folded paper, reaches past him and across the table (in a shockingly easy manner, in fact, even though she is almost nine months pregnant), and, with as much force as I’ve seen from just about anyone, obliterates a fly on the wall, and with much success.

You would think that the squished fly would adhere to the wall, but it doesn’t. Rather, it falls to the table, right beside the man’s hands.

I’ve never seen such a look of repulsion and disgust on someone’s face, but there it is.

“Are you crazy?!” he yells, utterly taken aback. “How could you do something like that?”

He stares at her for a moment more, but then he yanks his Post-Gazette from her hand, finds his way out of the booth, stands up, and storms out the door.

Today is Cathy’s last day at The Grill—at least for now.

She shrugs her shoulders.

******

The above excerpt is from my coming-of-age novel—The Grill on Murray Avenue: A Story of Innocence—about the inhabitants of an unassuming bar-and-grill in Squirrel Hill, a vibrant neighborhood in the east end of Pittsburgh. The story is told by Jenna, a young waitress who dreams of becoming a professional dancer.

An Attempt at Headshots, Restaurant-Style

Personal Yummy #94

We decide to do the “photo shoot” one Saturday afternoon that I have off, around four o’clock.

We pick this time because it is usually a slower time of the day: The main dinner crowd doesn’t start arriving until around five or five thirty. Obviously, we don’t want to disturb anyone’s drink or meal; plus, we want to avoid as much embarrassment and staring as possible.

At least I know I do.

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Hungry

Personal Yummy #91

The overwhelming smell of fries, burgers, pasta, wings, steak, and ribs taunts me, and my stomach growls—earnestly—hoping tonight will be like some other nights, when Tommy or Mary Ellen pushes a dish toward me, saying, “You want this Reuben? The customer decided he didn’t want it after I had already started making it” or “I misread the slip and put the wrong kind of sauce on this pasta. You want to take care of it for me?”

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